Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
