speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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