I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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