is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
