Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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