Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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