I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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