Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
