The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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