why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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