My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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