I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
