i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
