I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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