Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
