come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
