We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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