Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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