Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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