also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
