I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
