I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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