Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
