Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
