Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
