She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
