I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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