I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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