I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
