I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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