we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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