i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
