Non-Jews are for practice
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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