i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
