i think my tv is drunk
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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