it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
