Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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