you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
