i already hear my dad disowning me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
