He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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