sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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