On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
