I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
