I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
