i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
