Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
