So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
