Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
