he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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