The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
