I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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