I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
